he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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