you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
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Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
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nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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