This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
