Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Drunk is not a location!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
