I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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