and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
