Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
