dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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