ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize