Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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