drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My hand turned me down
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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