from now on my penis is your penis
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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