GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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