I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
