He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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