Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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