Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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