Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
