I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
