Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
