dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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