Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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