At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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