Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
