The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
