What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize