So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
