Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
