he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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