Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
