Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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