I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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