She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
