I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
