...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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