If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
