I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
