So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
