I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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