i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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