We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
