Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
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