Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
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The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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