I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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