No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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