I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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