One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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