i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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