Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
