If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
