We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
