Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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