Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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