Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
