Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
