Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
