There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
