I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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