He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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