4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
