you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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