so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
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high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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