You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
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Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
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Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize