i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
