Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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