my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
