Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
