I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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