the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
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I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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