i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
