You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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