Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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