I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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