Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
