sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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