I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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