i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
