Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
