drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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