Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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