i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
