my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
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They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
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I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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