I'm jealous of your bromance
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
