Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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