when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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