i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
